somewhere between, a hangman's knot, and three mouths to feed
by KayleeThePete
Summary: In the Devil's Backbone Universe. Felicity and Oliver have a VERY important, if impromptu, conversation


Sorry about going radio silent for so damn long! Law school, especially the first year, does not give you much time for anything outside of law school. I promise that there are new chapters forthcoming on most of my stories, a couple are in the editing process at the moment. This is a special Christmas gifty to my wonderful, amazing dartie and beta, SassySnow1988! She and I have long talked about how we want Olicity to actually TALK about whether or not to have kids, and maybe have a potential-infertility storyline in the show, none of which it looks like we will get. However, I fully intend to have them have this conversation in pretty much all of my multi-chapter stories, with varying outcomes. This particular one is for my Devil's Backbone 'verse, it takes place after "give me the burden, give me the blame" but before "don't care if he's guilty, don't care if he's not". This is unbeta-ed, so please forgive any mistakes which are all mine!

Happy Christmas, dartie! :-D ;-* I hope you like your gifty!

Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow or any of its affiliates, if I did than the vast majority of the bullshit that has occurred would NOT have happened, NOT Team Arrow wouldn't exist and/or would have died HORRIBLE and VERY painful deaths, and Laurel would've STAYED dead.

 **somewhere between, a hangman's knot, and three mouths to feed**

"I don't want children."

The words tumbled out of Felicity, like long-constrained water from a dam. And instantly she dreaded the response to them.

The last year had been the happiest Felicity had ever been; most would consider this mad since she'd spent it inextricably embroiled in the Russian mob. But not once had she found it in her to regret a _moment_ of it.

The blond tech genius would've never _dreamed_ she'd end up in love with the most powerful member of the Bratva on American soil, much less engaged to him. But she was, and she is.

Oliver was a big, messy mass of contradictions; undoubtably the most dangerous man on the west coast—possibly in the entire country—but he cared more about, and was willing to sacrifice more for, others than anyone she'd ever met. And there was _no one_ who could be as so heartbreakingly _gentle_ , and endlessly loyal.

This was the man Felicity Smoak had fallen in love with. This dangerous, violent, unrelenting, forgiving, kind, gentle, and _loyal_ man.

They lay in bed after one of their _mind-blowing_ rounds of sex—God, the things the man could _do_ in bed—Felicity curled into his side, her left hand resting over this heart, tracing the Bratva star on his pec as their breathing slowed. The dim, whit star and moonlight through the window winked over the gorgeous engagement ring on her finger, and the realization that they'd never discussed children dawned over her. Thus, the resulting in the blurted-out, not-romantic, not-sexy confession.

"I don't want children."

Instantly Felicity's breath was sucked from her lungs.

With those four words had she lost the man she loved more than she'd ever loved _anyone_? What if she couldn't accept having kids?! Family was so damn important in the Bratva. What would happen to her if they had to have kids and she refused to? She knew that Oliver would choose her, he'd made it crystal clear that his loved ones come first, no matter what he had to let Anatoly and the rest of the Bratva believe. She was up to her _neck_ in the Bratva, there really was _no_ way of extracting herself from it other than trying to make herself and her mother disappear, which she didn't want to do because she loved Oliver and their family, and she didn't think she could make them _all_ disappear and still keep them all together. Oh, dear _God_ , what if he thought she didn't want to have kids because of their life? Because of how dangerous it was? He'd blame himself!

"Not because of our life," she quickly blurted out. "I don't not want kids because of our life and family and the Bratva stuff. And I know you'd be an amazing dad." Pressure was building in her chest, slowly squeezing her lungs and making tears burn in her eyes. God, what if this was the end of them? "And I love Little Sara, JJ, and Mia, and being Auntie Lissy. I just…don't want kids. I don't want to have a baby."

"Okay."

One word.

So simple. So easy. But with a weight beyond words. Instantly stilling her lightning speed brain with just two syllables.

Air whooshed into Felicity's lungs. "Really?" Her voice was so damn tiny and squeaky, not at _all_ a voice she used in over a year, ever since Oliver had started to encourage her to be more vocal and confident, and to actually wield her intelligence and power to their fullest extent.

Oliver's rough fingers drew long, gentle, soothing lines up and down her back as she lifted her head to meet his bright blue eyes. "Okay?" Her tone was nearly incredulous.

"Okay," he affirmed. "If you don't want to have kids, that's fine with me."

"But what about the Bratva?"

"What about it?"

She lightly swatted his chest. "Family is pretty damn important in the Bratva!"

He captured her assaulting hand, bringing her fingers up to his lips. "Anatoly doesn't have any children," he calmly pointed out—Felicity mentally facepalmed at not remembering that, though she can't really be blamed given she was mid-freak-out. "And besides, what goes on in our home and in our bed is none of their damn business."

Okay, so that cleared up the Bratva issue. "But…don't _you_ want kids?" Felicity had always imagined that Oliver would want to be a dad someday, and he really would be a wonderful, if _very_ overprotective, dad.

His broad shoulders lifted in a shrug, meeting her blue eyes with his own. "I want you more."

Her lips dropped open in a silent "O."

Oliver gently tucked a lock of blond curls behind her ear. "For a long time, I never thought about kids, it wasn't even something I _could_ contemplate, there was just no place in my life for imagining them. Then there was no one I would _want_ to have kids with," his full, distracting lips curved into a tender smile, "until you. You are the only one I could _ever_ imagine having children with."

"Oh," she softly breathed. Damn, while Oliver didn't often do big speeches, when he really wanted to say something he would take the wind right out of you.

"And while, yeah, kids might be nice, I don't need them to be happy. You," his gaze was laser focused on hers, the intensity stealing her breath as he occasionally liked to do without knowing he was doing it, "you, Felicity, I need to not only be happy, but to _live_. I can't truly live my life if you aren't in it. Without you, I'll just…exist."

Felicity swiped at her eyes, damn him, he just _had_ to go and make her all teary.

"And it's _your_ body, Felicity." He tightened his arms around her. "You are the one who would have to carry and give birth, not me, so I'm pretty sure that means the final say on kids is yours."

A relieved breath escaped her lips as she pressed a kiss to his heart. "Thank you."

Her fiancé pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I'm in love with _you_ , Felicity. I'm marrying you for _you_ , not for some archaic ideal of a heir and a spare."

Felicity snorted, lifting her head to grin, eyes still slightly watery, and teased him, "You don't know Shakespeare, but you know about 'a heir and a spare?'"

"What do you think the other one percenters call Thea and I? She's the heir, I'm the spare."

So, I know some people are going to hate this outcome of Olicity's baby-talk, but them not having a baby or kids of their own is what felt right for this story. In some of my stories Olicity will have children of their own, others they will adopt, and others they will have no human children and instead have fur babies, it all depends on what feels right for the particular story, and I have all of these outcomes already planned for my various stories. I think all of these outcomes are good and valid and none of them demean or degrade Olicity's relationship. Anywho, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this little emotional tidbit that's been rattling in my head for a while. Please let me know what you think!


End file.
